I feel creatively unfulfilled, and painfully aware that I am radically under-utilising my potential pretty much everyday.
I’ve reduced my social life by 95% in order to focus on my mental and physical health. I spend my time outside of work with my 3 housemates, my brother, and my best friend, and my days are: work, train, eat, write, sleep. A rollercoaster ride of excitement I am not.
The last time I stayed up past 11p.m. was in 2013.
I’m still waiting to hear back from graduate school, to know if I have a funded place to move to America and get my Master’s degree come the autumn. I feel as though my entire future is on hold, and until I get that letter, even if the news is not good, I am hanging in a limbo of uncertainty. I live in a single room in zone 3 of London and commute two hours a day to save money for a life I may not get to live. I am frustrated and bored and impotent to do anything but continue waiting.
My high fat-burning diet means I am in a state of ketosis, which is an internal chemical process that makes the breath stink. That thing you can smell when I talk to you? It’s coming from my mouth, and there’s naff all I can do about it.