No Big Deal, Just My Dreams Coming True

Superlatively Rude

You guys! I am really, really excited (and nervous, and curious, and emotional andandand…) to say that I am hereto forth represented by the awe-inducingly innovative Ella Kahn, of Diamond Kahn and Woods Literary Agency.




(You can read the agency announcement here. Oh! And see my fancy author profile here.)

(!!!!!!! x forever.)

You know what? Balls to the wall. Chances. Asking the question. That’s how dreams come true. That’s how hustling happens. You don’t get if you don’t put yourself out there, and oh my Beyoncé, this past two weeks have been some of the most testing and anxiety-inducing of my writing life as I did just that. 

You Don't Have To Be Broken To Be Interesting

I suppose what I’m learning is that there’s no graduation ceremony for life.

I sort of hoped that there was.

I had sex with a man twenty years my senior, is how this story starts. Ends.

It happened somewhere in the middle.

Days before, I’d said to a new friend - an incredibly charming Austrian - “No. I’m done dicking around. I’m looking for my husband. I’m serious about love.” And that felt like a brave thing to declare, because this guy, the Austrian, he was saying how girls just need to relax. Stop putting pressure on themselves. Enjoy sex without expectation, like “men” do. So it felt like a bold thing to do, to show my cards to the table that way, because it’s emphatically not #chill. And you know what? For a really fucking long time I played the Chill Girl. I’m mortified to admit that, but I know I’m not alone. (Tell me I’m not alone). In a weird way, though, despite myself and what I know to be true and real and right, I wanted this Austrian’s approval. Wanted him to think I was cool. So I could’ve agreed. An earlier version of myself might’ve.

(Definitely would’ve.)

(It took several more conversations with said charming Austrian to ascertain he wasn’t, actually, charming. He was a chauvinistic misogynistic egotist, and nobody has the right to tell you you’re “putting too much pressure on sex”. The end.) 

Would You Like To Be My Literary Agent?

Laura Jane Williams

Hi there,

My name is Laura Jane Williams, and I’m writing a book that some very important people at some very important publishers have already emailed me to ask about. I think that will be of interest to you – at least, I hope it is, because it scares the bejesus out of me and so I’m gonna need somebody like you to take over from here on out, so that we can both focus on what we’re best at.

The book is called My Vagina’s Monologue, and is, if I do say so myself, the ultimate twenty-something’s “survive and thrive” heartbreak memoir. Set across Paris, Rome, Detroit and.... Derby, it’s Eat, Pray, Love meets Wild in a post-Lena Dunham world.

It’s basically the book I wish I’d had when, as a heartbroken millennial, it felt like I couldn’t go on. 
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