because none of us is fucking up like we think we are, is what i'm trying to say

Tuesday, 2 February 2010


Ladies and Gentlemen: introducing the concept of FRENENMIES. Also known as, who needs enemies when you have friends like these to remind you of every drunken, slightly-out-of-character (FINE. Slightly-in-character...) incident that YOU'D REALLY RATHER FORGET. Frenemies are there, ready and waiting, to bring all of this up. Even over email.

Me: I think you need a WWLD braclet to help successfully conduct your life without me.

Frenemy: I have no idea what that means. And if you are trying to spell BRACELET then I am so disappointed in you.

Me: WHAT WOULD LAURA DO? Like the What Would Jesus Do bracelets Christians have to get them through their days.

Frenemy: Oh! Okay then. I would wear it with pride. (Everytime I see a hot man... *has sex with them on a park bench*). Maybe the whole bracelet thing isn't such a good idea after all.


Frenemy: I will continue to bring it up at any oppurtunity.

Me: It's spelt oppOrtunity. And I didn't have sex with him. I wanted to. But I didn't.

Frenemy: So you embarrassed yourself by being groped on a park bench and didn't even get laid? FAIL.

Me: I embarrassed myself and didn't even get laid. My life is a mess.

Frenemy: A proper shambles. You could be in America, publishing books and abusing your accent BUT NO, you're sat at home with a dozen cats fingering yourself.

It is at this point that I feel I need to say: I MISS MY FRIEND.
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