because none of us is fucking up like we think we are, is what i'm trying to say

Thursday, 4 March 2010


So yeah- this is my bum. It is also my profile picture on my Facebook account. It irritates my mother and my Nanna, who both think that my face is more pleasing to the eye than my leopard-print ensconced bottom is, but quite frankly I beg to differ.  When you can see the label that says 'U.K. size REALLY FUCKING BIG, YOU FAT COW! LAY OFF THE CHOCOLATE FROSTING!' what isn't to love? Am I right?

It was brought to my attention this week that a very distant cousin of mine had a friend who had thought to comment on my picture. (SIDENOTE: I love when a very distant something adds you as a friend on Facebook. There is that initial 'Hi! I bet you don't remember me but...' introduction and then one has to acknowledge said reason for not remembering the person and then you accept the friendship request and then never correspond again. Ever. The end.) So anyway, somebody had written on my cousin's wall, "Hi! We've not seen each other in twenty years but as I came to write you a message the arse of a lovely girl called Laura Jane Williams popped up on my screen. Apparently she is a friend of yours. Needless to say, I'll be back again soon!"

And do you know what? That is my proudest moment to date. If my butt could wink at this guy, it would. Although I do worry that a winking butt would just look like a bowl movement.
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