because none of us is fucking up like we think we are, is what i'm trying to say

Thursday, 20 May 2010

Celebrity and Amanda Holden.

Can we all just take a minute to observe something truly wonderful?


It's important to me. 

More important than the time I saw Joss Stone in the lobby of The Dorchester and she told me that she QUOTE really loved UNQUOTE my Indian wedding skirt. 

(It feels prudent to point out that I wasn't at the Dorchester getting married. To an Indian. In an Indian wedding skirt. Although after a few shots of bottom-shelf own-brand tequila it's entirely possible that this has indeed happened within the realm of semi-consciousness and somebody, somewhere, is laughing at the fact that I parade around all hoity-toity, nose-in-the-air loudly declaring to anybody who will listen, "I'MMMMM not going to get married anytime soon. I've got adventure to be had before anybody tries to tie ME down! Marriage is for love after 30, and for idiots any time before then."

I could actually have been married for four years already. I could have consummated the marriage. In fact, I live my life in such a blur of dramatic hand gestures and plane rides and sarcasm that I might have three kids somewhere and I've not even realised. Shit, man! Don't tell anybody!)

This is more important than the time I saw Pierce Brosnan in London with his wife and he was wearing THE MOST HIDEOUS HAWAIIAN PRINT SHIRT I HAVE EVER SEEN. And that is coming from the chick that spent nine summers in a row with her father and the same faded "No my neck didn't throw up, I paid good money for this baby!" bad floral wear.

THIS is MORE IMPORTANT than when Josie D'Arby of The Clothes Show fame stopped me on Portobello Road to ask me where I got my sandals from and I was able to look her right in the eye and say, "Oh these old things? Just something I picked up in Vietnam on my travels..." thus making me the winner in the Game Of Life. Laura 1, Ex-television presenter Nil.

No. This is way more important than that.

Ladies and Gentlemen. AMANDA HOLDEN TWEETED ME!

I follow her because her tweets are just like text messages from my aunties- always about food and with too many exclamation points!!!! I often read her stuff and smile, shaking my head fondly. "Oh Amanda," I'll think to myself. "What are you like?"

I got into bed on Sunday night after staying up past my bedtime to watch the Boy George programme on BBC2. Because anybody that has the balls to falsely imprision a sex-for-hire Norwigian is all right by me- I LOVES him. And on Sunday night Amanda, no Holden necessary, was asking her followers if anybody had seen it. She'd missed it. And I'm not one  to normally tweet 'slebs but I was that in love with the chap that had played my favourite ex-heroin addict I said, "It was AMAZING- you MUST iPlayer it. Douglas Booth was simply fabulous as Boy George. And very, very beautiful." I think I had gotten it into my head that Amanda WAS my auntie. I don't know.

So anyway, no sooner had I typed it then Auntie Amanda replied, TO ME, SPIRITFUMBLE, "will definitely do!"



But then I went and fucked it all up, didn't I? I was that bloody excited that I twittered to the world, "@Amanda_Holden just TWITTERED me! She is all tits, teeth and botox- my hero!" which I then realised might piss her off a bit because she vehemently denies having her lips done BLAH BLAH BLAH but honestly- that's why I love her. Vain as you like, filthy laugh, and I bet she's the first one on the dancefloor at family functions. She IS like my aunties.

Anyway. Amanda Holden tweeted me. That's AWESOME.

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