Derrik is from Utah, BUT NOT A MORMON. He has a sense of humour and EVERYTHING. When Derrik was on his tutor orientation and I was responsible for helping to train him up, I soooo had my eye on him. I TOTES needed to have him in my camp, and the other tutors would tease me that I was so enamoured with him that he could literally poop on a plate and I would eat it up. We’d all be in the training room, all hundred-and-something trainees and the staff, and from across the room one of them would make eye contact with me, hold up an imaginary plate, and then eat the imaginary poop. Then somebody would ask a question about adverbs of frequency and I’d have to say something intelligent. Whilst thinking about Derrik’s poop.
Derrik is such a gentleman that one could be forgiven for thinking that he is gay, as such a charming straight gentleman surely could not exist. I dropped this into casual conversation over a diet coke break yesterday. “So… have you left a special somebody at home?” I asked. “A boyfriend or anything?” Derrik looked at me from across the room. “Is that the rumor?” he replied, and I had to cover up the fact that us three girlies had been talking about it constantly since we arrived and I just sort of got flustered and tried to say, “Posh Spice!” Turns out he is straight, ladies, and he asked me to tell you that he is single. I’ve thought about his poop too much to date him now. You have him. I'll keep the plate, though.