because none of us is fucking up like we think we are, is what i'm trying to say

Wednesday, 6 October 2010

For rent: one slighty-worn writer. Funny looking.

I spent this weekend with all of my most talented friends.

One has her voice going out on radio adverts across most of the Yorkshires.

With another I passed thirty very pleasant minutes in nationally located stationary shops (as in the shops are everywhere, not me. I didn't do some sort of city-to-city pen-crawl like they were pubs but with ink cartridges instead of cider) looking at folders and pencil cases and notebooks that she had PERSONALLY designed.

On Friday evening, when two of my most media-savvy friends interviewed half of the pop charts (DID I JUST SAY POP-CHARTS?) I propped up the smoking area in the highest shoes I have ever stood up in- walking wasn't much of an option- with a Marlboro in one hand and a Jagerbomb in the other.

(Whilst they schmoozed I got red lipstick all over my teeth and had a bit of a dance. I took my shoes off to do it. It was one of those silent-disco things where everyone wears headphones to listen to the music of their choice but still dance together. In my somewhat inebriated state ("You're not really drunk-drunk, it's just like you are you, but more,") I commented what fun I had dancing. My friend looked at me. "Yes. But you weren't so much dancing as running around us in a circle a lot." And of course I tried to hit on the band, albeit unsuccessfully.)

I live with a singer-songwriter who has gigs all over the country. I've just passed three hours with a group of spoken word performers who say things like, "distill the Gothic" to which I reply, "Your poem made me feel like you'd just made love to me, it was really erotic language. I hope it isn't really about a kettle."

For a while there I was all edited-a-book-this and wrote-a-zine-that but after pissing about in various corners of the world all year that thing that seemed so important, I think it's called AMBITION, has just sort of... gone. And it seems like an awfully important thing to lose. But being surround by such talent is deceptive, I have decided. It is hard not to feel like it rubs off. Like one is achieving just by proximity.

I wonder if I can put that on my CV. "Knows loads of successful people."
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