I miss America. This time last year, I was living there. And you know, it really is true what they say (when I say ‘they’, I mean the rest of the world). Americans suffer from high self-esteem. They just have this kind of, “Well, what do I have to lose?” attitude. AND I LIKE IT.
With that in mind, this is what is about to happen. I am going to tell you that I suffer from high self-esteem. It’s why I fit in there so well. Then, you are going to judge me as an arrogant, self-righteous nobody and probably think to yourself, “And she isn’t even all that and a bag of potato chips ANYWAY. I’ve seen her picture on the top of her profile. Laura Gaga, Lady Blah Blah.”
This is how it will work.
Hi, my name is Laura Jane Williams and I suffer from high self-esteem.
SEE! I told you. JUDGED.
Look. There are two things I adamantly and fervently live my life by: never will it matter to me if my gravestone reads either, SHE DIED THIN, or, SHE PAID OFF THE MORTGAGE. I just don’t care. In short? I live my life without seeking perfection. It is SEVRELY overrated. And that takes confidence.
I always thought that one day I might have abs like Britney Spears. Then the 2007 VMA’s happened and Flabby Spears made my wish come true. I truly believe that my high self-esteem meant that if Mohammad couldn’t (wouldn’t) go to the mountain, then the mountain must go to Mohammad. My proof? BAM! The muffin top look was back in business. I could have wasted valuable eating frosting-right-out-of-the-tub time on the treadmill when my look was waiting for it’s ‘Vogue’ moment all along. THANKS BRITNEY...