because none of us is fucking up like we think we are, is what i'm trying to say

Monday, 8 August 2011

Inappropriate rap-a-longs.

I surveyed the circle of teenagers suspiciously, looking each 17-year-old in the eye as they stood waiting for me to launch into the daily warm-up ritual of Baby Got Back. You might remember that I don't put much weight on traditional teaching methods; I don't know how much good the third conditional is if you can't even use the words booty and brothers with any semblance of authority. Also, I find it hilarious.

"I have a feeling," I told them. "My intuition is telling me something."

Everybody looked guiltily to the floor, and then sideways at each other. I might not speak Italian, but you bet your ass I'm fluent in spin-the-bottle teenager.

"The energy is different this morning," I continued. "There are secrets."

Nobody said anything, as well they mightn't at a residential camp in a convent, about what I might mean. But two days ago when I tried to throw away the plastic bottle in the corner of my classroom there was unadulterated uproar, which tells me only one thing: my students have discovered the fun to be had in classrooms after dark. Oh! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I MEANT BY THAT.

"Secrets are my speciality, and I WILL discover them all..." I drawled. "Secrets, secrets, secrets."

One of the kids shyly raised his hand. "Laura?" he said, in perfect English. And I don't say that lightly: anytime someone apologises to me for their "terrr-ib-ile iiinglish" I always admonish that my own English is probably only eight-and-a-half out of ten. Including my love of the semi-colon.

I smiled at him reassuringly. It was my, I'm only here to teach you two hours a day so I'm not really a proper authority figure smile. My give-me-the-gossip smile. My I-live-vicariously-through-the-underaged smile. "Yes?" I replied sweetly.

"My intuition is telling me something."

"Oh really?"I raised my eyebrows to encourage him to continue.

"Yes. My intuition is telling me that you are just wasting time before we start so that you can finish your coffee."


I suppose that is a round-about way of saying here. Have a spoken word video.

Knowing the Detective from Laura Jane Williams on Vimeo.
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