because none of us is fucking up like we think we are, is what i'm trying to say

Dipping a toe in the pool of modern existentialism.


'I said no to a party,' I bemoaned.
'You said no to a party?' she replied.
'Uh-huh. Straight out said no. Who says no to a party?
'You do.'
'Well I know. But I don't want to be the person that says no to a party.'
'That's a bit of a condundrum then.'

And you see, the thing is this. I'm 25. I just graduated. I have two student overdrafts yet to be paid off and so my pay check isn't my own. I work as a conversation teacher and move classrooms on an hourly basis. I SHARE A BEDROOM. I didn't want a party because the apartment is structured so that our room would once have been the main living space. So it's huge. Party huge. Thing is, if we opened up our apartment for a party we'd have to use our room, and ultimately there would then be people in my bedroom which means in just a short hop, skip and jump there'd be people on my bed. And that bed? IT IS THE ONLY THING IN THE WHOLE ENTIRE UNIVERSE THAT BELONGS ONLY TO ME.

Except that it doesn't, because I rent and I borrowed the bedding off of a work colleague. So I don't even own that.

And then I remembered.

This small space on the internet, right here where you are reading? I own this. And so, maybe leaving in such haste was a mistake. Because this is my kingdom. This is where I belong. This is mine.

So errrrm, what I'm saying is... can we have a do-over?
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