Also: I just asked if he was still here, and he was all BITCH I PAYS HALF THE RENT, I IS GONNA TAKE MY TIME and I was all like uh-huh, but could you take your time QUICKER and he's like, do you know what? fuck you, and now he is cross at me for all the things. As I sit here at my desk in my cable-knit cardigan looking out over a Roman street, and he bugs me to check his shirt collar for a day at the law office, this must totally be what suburban married hell feels like.
Memo to self: avoid suburban married hell.
Also: Can we address the fact that I just asked him to take the rubbish with him on his way out and he replied that he wasn't allowed and I said HUH?And he told me that last time he tried to take out trash in the day our housemate stopped him because it isn't allowed in Rome to which I say REALLY. REALLY ROME. It might fester, they worry. BEST KEEP IT GOING ROTTEN IN MY APARTMENT THEN.
Also: This weekend The Roommate offered to make a cup of tea. I replied in the affirmative because I am, after all, British. And then I turned into my mother and told him to make sure he used the old milk, not the new stuff I had just bought. Then he picked up the REALLY old milk, and I yelled NOT THAT ONE THAT IS TWO WEEKS OLD YOU DISGUSTING PIG I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU TO THROW IT OUT. And he said, but Laura. This is your milk.
We were in a curdled milk standoff and it was mine all along.
When I got in from work last night he was working at the one desk we have. We had moved the desk at the weekend, in between making cups of tea, so that it is now by the window so that I can See All the Things. In turn it is also by my bed. I sat on my bed, told him he was breathing all of my air, and so as agreed in our Terms and Conditions he occupied His Sofa so that I could take My Desk. Only there was shit everywhere, and I got cross again, and he didn't hear me when I asked him to move some stuff so, to conclude: I threw the empty water bottle at his head.
I'd forgotten that the water bottle was actually mine.
In closing, I'd like to say: I suspect that possibly I might not be the easiest person to live with.
Also: No shit.