because none of us is fucking up like we think we are, is what i'm trying to say

Friday, 15 December 2017

Everything looks better with my eyes open

An incomplete list of some things I call my 2017 achievements:

- saw my first ballet, from the really cheap seats all the way at the back.
- cleansed, toned and moisturised every morning, and every night.
- bought furniture.
- threw a really very good Christmas party.
- refused to save the candles for best.
- called my mother.
- called my father.
- interviewed a celebrity.
- deleted Facebook.
- stopped nannying.
- maintained a relationship with the girls I used to nanny - and their mama.
- took a month off.
- bought £300-worth of sex toys all in one go.
- went viral online for falling over.
- said out loud that I want a baby.
- received a case of wine.
- got offered a horse and cart at the entrance to Soho Farmhouse.
- went swimming in the ladies pond on the Heath when we had the heatwave.
- went home for Easter.
- went ginger, and on purpose.
- hosted an event about mental health.
- did my first lit fest.
- took a day trip to Oxford.
- saw Titanic at the Royal Albert Hall with a live orchestra.
- released the paperback of my memoir.
- released the hardback of another memoir.
- sold that hardback to several countries.
- went to a drag show in New York with the editor of that hardback.
- recorded them both as audiobooks.
- started using a mooncup.
- visited Italy.
- got drunk over a cheese plate at a solo lunch in Lisbon.
- broke into a five-star hotel swimming pool with my parents in Miami Beach.
- cried in a Chicago Starbucks.
- accepted a blueberry off the fork of a man I didn't know in Brooklyn.
- learned how to make cheese scones from scratch.
- knew it was time to go back to therapy.
- let myself be loved.
- listened to a story about my friend going to Leonardo DiCaprio's house.
- told him I was falling in love.
- argued and knew he wouldn't leave.
- went to my first movie premiere.
- went to my first movie premiere in an H&M dress.
- blocked blokes on Instagram.
- caught the bouquet.
- got a writing partner.
- sold a treatment to a production company.
- let my pubic hair grow out.
- re-watched all of Mad Men.
- googled Christina Hendricks a lot.
- wrote my motto on a necklace and sold them to people.
- accepted that I didn't do everything I hoped I might, and chalked up pretty good anyway.
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